Make brain EXPLODE using "ogonek" and "kreska"!
http://uncyclopedia.wikia.com/wiki/Polish_language
Polish history has only been recorded since the 10th century. No Polish documents before that time survived; therefore, nobody can really say who introduced the Polish language to the Poles or how. There are theories that Poles invented it themselves while trying to imitate the sounds of a tracksuit wiped on sand. After being told that they couldn't have had tracksuits during the 10th century, other historians suggested that they could be imitating the sounds of a sword wiped on gravel. Others say it's not a perfect definition and they prefer to describe it as a sound of a hissing viper creeping through gravel.
It differs from Modern Polish by using harder and wider grammar. Also, the people who speak Traditional Polish sound like they are patriotic douchebags totally smashed after drinking too much vodka. The sentences below show the difference between Traditional and Modern Polish (written in SPA:
* I zawżdy powiadam, iżby wrogowie nasi poszli byliby na mury, tożto my przeto by byli na basztach stanęli, w imię Świętej Panienki Zawsze Dziewicy i nasze serca poświęcili dla obrony naszej wspaniałej Ojczyzny, boć to ugiąć się nie możemy pod kacapskim ścierwem najeźdźcy ze Wschodu!
* Jak nas zaatakują, to im wpierdolimy.
Both sentences can be translated to If they attacked us, we would kill them.
Polish language is also propably the only language that (theoretically) uses single negation for making negation, double negation to make negation, double negation also to make confirmation, single confirmation to make confirmation, double confirmation to make confirmation, and finally double confirmation to make negation. But both double confirmation and negation are only in theory; legends says that there are also used multiple confirmation and negation, even reaching numbers of 20. Now think, what would be the meaning of sentence: "No nie mogę nie napić się tego, co nie, bo co by się nie stało?" ("Well I cannot not drink, can't I, because what wouldn't have happened?"). There is also famous sentence full of negations: "Nikt nigdy nie robi niczego niepotrzebnego" and it can be literally translated to English as: "Nobody never doesn't nothing useless". It makes perfect sense.
You can also notice, that "No" has been translated to "Well". However, it is correct. And it doesn't matter, that in many languages around the world (our beautiful English, Italian, etc.) "No" means "No", but it just simply couldn't happen in Polish. It can be translated in many ways:
Q: Jesteś pedałem? (Are you gay?) A: No (Yes)
"No no, kogo my tu mamy?" (Well well, whom do we've got here?)
Sentence written few lines up: "Nie ćpasz, no nie?" (You don't take drugs, do you)
Somebody says, that "No" in Polish is almost as universal, as "Perkele" in Finnish...
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